Compassionate Inquiry

• Everything has a reason The reason is usally not the reason you think it is. It is rooted in past traumas. If there are parts you don't like, there are reasons for them.
• Instead of condem others, inquire why the behavior exists. Why that person thinkgs that way, why it feels that way.
• Compassionate because there are no judgments
• addictions: Any behavior that a person find temporaliy relieve and therefore craves, but suffers longterm and is not willing to give it up despite of it.
  • chronic behavior
  • craving
  • temporaliy relieve or pleasure
  • negative consequences
• What did the addiction give you. What was right about it. It gave safety and ease.
  • We need to feel calm and ease in our body and safe.
  • Its an addaptive mechanism in our lives
  • Thats the compassionate part of the method
• Parts of the method
  1. Interupt when its necessary
  2. Any question you ask or answer you need to feel safe.

From https://portal.theembodimentconference.org/sessions/compassionate-inquiry-hee6ib

Inquiry:

1. What do you like to look at in your life
2. How do you feel about that?
3. Would you like to look at the shame part of it?
4. I think it would be helpful if after this session you could eat healthy or not and you don't beat yourself up about it. As if there was some freedom in it for you.
5. When were you eating the last time in this healthy way.
6. Would you say to me that i should feel ashamed when i drink that before this stressfull situation? (no)
7. There is a double standard
8. Lets be curious about it not judgmental.
9. Why do you supose you have that double standard, any idea?
10. Whats in your body and you feel that shame?
11. How familiar is that to you. Is this new or something you experienced for long time
12. Can you see the poosibility that this shame that you feel, this guilt that you feel, has nothing to do with the present moment. Because in the present moment as an adult you would not judge or shame anybody else for what you do. Therefore its a very old dynamic.
13. Lets not call it ridiculous because it isn't. Is it ridiculous or said that so many people judge themselfs so harshly, when they would not jugde others the same way. Is it ridiculous or more like something you could have compassion for.
14. You can see how the compassionate can be helpful here.
15. Do you have children?
16. Would you ever want them to feel guilty or ashamed of themselfs and accepting yourself. I mean you want them to know the difference between right and wrong but not shameful or guilty about themselfs.
17. What ashamed you as a child? How did you developed the sense of shame at age 4 that you never want your children to experience.
18. Nobody is being jugded here.
19. Lets go little deeper. Lets assume you never get outside your house and never experience how the villagers felt about your dad. What was is like for you in that house?
20. How did your dad behave when he drank? (asw: not great)
21. But thats how he didn't behave, how did he behave? (felt crossing a boundary so not shared)
22. Take you 4 year old child and plug her into you childhood home. How does she feel?
23. Would she feel uncomfortable in her skin? (yes)
24. Thats how you felt
25. When you felt that way how do you speak about it? (no parents maybe sister, no nurturing adult)
26. If your child felt that way in our imagination and had no nurturing adult to share it with, how do you think that would make her feel about her feelings.
27. She would have alot of shame, because shame is all about being alone and cut of from contact.
28. This is a very concentrated demostration.
29. But all i have been trying to say is that the shame that you experienced, when you have that drink, has nothing to do with having a sugar drink.
30. It has do to with a dynamic inside you, at least since the age of 4 probably before.
31. Here is my suggestion to you, have that drink or not but if the shame arises say hello to it and don't believe it for a second. That shame is a 4 year old kid or younger.

Q: What disconnection from the Self means for you? There are deceases of it. Have you had that experience where something in you that this is not right, a gut feeling but you did do it anyway. This is an exmample of a disconnect to you Self. The reason is because our environment could not support our gut feelings infact forced us to supress them.