Notes from kindle book:
To seek beauty in women, and only beauty, is the thing that will save a man. All he has to do is look for and then describe, with his words and actions, the beauty he sees in them, and he is saved.
A boy looks for all the ways that he can impress a girl. A man looks for all the ways that she can impress him.
A man falls in love with his eyes. A woman falls in love with her ears.
A boy makes his girlfriend jealous of other women. A man makes other women jealous of his girl.
The future is always great intentions and nothing more. The only commitment I can honestly give is to be fully present, fully engaged, fully real, a promise to stay true to myself and to never misrepresent. This, my love, is the only way a relationship can last.
Could it be that a woman knows in her heart that, contrary to other men, he will never leave her? Even if he must go?
He knows that if he stays, if he quiets his spirit for her, if he calms the warrior in him, it will slowly kill his heart, kill the light in his eyes, and just as surely, kill her desire for him. And though she won’t admit it, in her heart she knows this as well. For this is the very thing she loves about him. A woman wants it both ways. This is what leads to all the heart-rending. She is attracted to the valiant, exciting, feral heart of the adventurer, but once she catches hold of him, she tries to tame him, domesticate him, settle him down, and once he is stuffed and mounted, she has inadvertently quieted the very essence in him she loves the most.
As Nietzsche put it, “The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.”
Hot women are everywhere; they abound. They are beautified, not beautiful.
There are no greater admirers of beautiful women than other women. Women dress, wear makeup, wear designer clothes for other women… rarely for men. Men don’t care at all who designed the shoes, the dress, the purse. They don’t even notice. Does she look good? Yes. Are the dress and shoes removable? Perfect.
Why do these men seem to have this presence while others do not? The answer is simple: these men love women with all their hearts.
Beauty needs a witness. This is the secret to success with women. The secret to the art of love.
To seek beauty in women, and only beauty, is the thing that will save a man. All he has to do is look for and then describe, with his words and actions, the beauty he sees in them, and he is saved.
A boy looks for all the ways that he can impress a girl. A man looks for all the ways that she can impress him.
A man falls in love with his eyes. A woman falls in love with her ears.
I can connect to a woman’s heart directly and openly, win her trust, gain her affection, and all without the slightest trace of presumption or manipulation. Which, of course, one might argue, is the ultimate form of manipulation.
Real man never takes. His only desire is to share, to inspire, to beautify the experiences of himself and everyone around him. His ecstasy is derived solely from her ecstasy. If she doesn’t feel like a queen, he doesn’t feel like a king. A boy makes his girlfriend jealous of other women. A man makes other women jealous of his girl.
Is it possible to completely and utterly love someone even though you know it will end, and even though you know there will be others? A woman stroking my hair is profound, yes,
The future is always great intentions and nothing more. The only commitment I can honestly give is to be fully present, fully engaged, fully real, a promise to stay true to myself and to never misrepresent. This, my love, is the only way a relationship can last.
Could it be that a woman knows in her heart that, contrary to other men, he will never leave her? Even if he must go?
He knows that if he stays, if he quiets his spirit for her, if he calms the warrior in him, it will slowly kill his heart, kill the light in his eyes, and just as surely, kill her desire for him. And though she won’t admit it, in her heart she knows this as well. For this is the very thing she loves about him. A woman wants it both ways. This is what leads to all the heart-rending. She is attracted to the valiant, exciting, feral heart of the adventurer, but once she catches hold of him, she tries to tame him, domesticate him, settle him down, and once he is stuffed and mounted, she has inadvertently quieted the very essence in him she loves the most.
A woman can never change a real man. He can only change of his own volition. He can only change because he chooses it, because he looks at her and thinks, “yes, this is where my heart lies.” She can, however, change a weak man; he will change just to please her, because he is too insipid or too timid or too bland to do anything else. Just go with the flow.
Creeping compromise. We are not really committed to our relationships at all. We climb into the nearest boat simply because we are tired of paddling alone.
Man was once wild and free, was a lover, a fighter, a rocker. Woman sets out to tame him and the moment she succeeds, she resents him. The truth is, women love the spirit of the untamed stallion. They love to see him run free—just not too far. They want him to love the smell of the grass and the clover—but in this nice, fenced-in area. They want him to prance and caper with easy stride, yes!—but over here.
Our hearts ache to be caught up in something greater than ourselves, to be seduced, to seduce ourselves and others, to desire something—anything!—so much that we would die for it.
Was it Kundera who suggested that vertigo—the twinge of fear we feel when we look down from a great height—is not the fear of falling; it is, rather, the desire to fall? We are not afraid that we might fall; we are afraid that we might jump. Yes, this seems about right. It is not knowing what we are falling into, yet standing on the very edge anyway, so afraid and yet so willing.
Can he invent for himself an exciting and new joie de vivre that makes him irresistible to women? Can he learn to live a life that is passionate, compelling, admired and desired? Sure, why not? Charisma is not innate. It is practical magic, something you create, through conscious practice.
the kind of men that women universally adore possess an inimitable love of life, a sense of aliveness, an irrepressible audacity, and an overwhelming sense of fun. And more than anything else, they possess a supreme and ever-abiding love and admiration for women.
Here is a sublime secret of the ages, the secret of men whom women eternally love: They are father figures and little boys—simultaneously!
is a perfect balance, a tightrope they traverse with ease. The leader side of them is never aggressive or controlling; it is firm and in command. And the boyish side of them is never mewling or pitiable; it is playful and beaming and in need of a bath.
Simply put, a woman always feels safe in the presence of these men. Women only feel afraid if they think they might lose their ability to choose.
He is afraid to just say it. He is in his head the whole time, trying to figure it out. He is not really listening to the things she says because he is trying to angle the whole conversation toward his subterranean goal.
Needing what they desire will create problems; hiding what they desire will create even more.
Manipulation? Only in the sense that we get to choose one set of words over another, as in any interaction in life. Being direct is the absence of manipulation.
Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac. Glorious, profound secret of the universe! Women always respond to an honest invitation, as long as it is imbued with respect, kindness, and empathy.
No, I want her to trust me immediately, to trust me simply because I ask for it, to look into my eyes and to know that, yes, she can trust me.
In a group, you can always tell who a woman likes the most. How? Watch who she looks at when the whole group is laughing.
The problem for women is that they lose no matter what happens. If a woman is single and wants to meet someone, and a man she is interested in doesn’t approach her, she loses. If she takes the initiative and approaches him, she still loses. In the worst case, she will be seen as easy or desperate. In the best case, she will forever be the one who had to take the first step. Even if she ends up marrying the guy, some imperceptible measure of respect for him has been irrevocably lost. Because, well… where was he? Why did he not show up? Why did he not do his job as a man? Why did she have to lead the dance? Why must she support both sides of the equation? Oh, and here’s another lovely side effect: guys are turned off because she is too forward.
Breasts and hair and other various things can be purchased. Calves never lie.
Eye contact is the eighth wonder of the world, the solution to all the problems of men.
A girl who is interested in you will always touch you, and always touch you first.
The solution to approach anxiety? Stop approaching! I rarely approach women uninvited.
Here’s the secret: what women really mean by a sense of humor in a man is the capacity to laugh at himself.
Always move toward beauty in life, and only beauty.
The problem is if the men show their authentic, vulnerable side, and the women do not, then the men will be seen as needy and weak. Conversely, if the women show their authentic, vulnerable side, and the men do not, then the women will get taken advantage of. Therefore, any change has to be simultaneous; otherwise there is an imbalance. One side gets hurt and has no choice but to raise the shields again. The result is a kind of Cold War between the sexes, with neither side willing to reduce their stockpile of weapons because they just might get hurt.
There is a reclamation that needs to happen, but not at the expense of women. Women are not the enemy. The enemy is mediocrity.
A man wears his fear of rejection like a blanket; he’s always worn it. He hates it, he deplores it, because he knows how much it weighs him down, how much it holds him back, how much it restricts him. It is heavy and damp and rough. Ah well, he wears it nonetheless, for he is accustomed to its weight and the penumbra it casts upon his daily life. It keeps him safe. It keeps him warm. In a weird way, it actually gives him comfort. It gives him an excuse.
And now he wants to somehow turn it on here? He never once expressed his masculine desire for her in any way, and now he wants to “escalate,” to transform himself into a paragon of passion? He has been wearing his “just-a-friend” costume for the last two dates, and now he wants to suddenly convert into her lover? Like the cover of some dreamy, sordid romance novel? Can’t happen!
The fulfillment of men is attainment. The fulfillment of women is relationship.
To find his authentic self is the only real task of a man, a never-ending journey and the only one that matters. It is all about searching for his truth and learning to express it to the world. It is all about not being afraid to want what he wants and to ask for what he wants. It is all about searching for what has heart and meaning to him, for what he wants his life to look like, and for ways to project himself forever onto the world’s stage.
All we can do is shake hands with that cautioning voice, acknowledge it, and recover, recover, recover.
hearts. Imagine if we measured our success by how well we showed up as men in this world. And nothing more. If we did that, then our sense of success would have nothing to do with a woman’s response at all.
She will tend to please whomever he tends to please. If he pleases himself, she will please him, too. However, if he only pleases her, as so many men do, she will oblige by also pleasing herself—and only herself.
The greatest lovers please only themselves in bed.
I need to get to know someone first. To feel comfortable. You know and I know that we have been connected forever. I am different from other men and you know it. We have been comfortable with each other from the moment our eyes first met. We are lovers. Lovers? We are not lovers. Lovers make love to each other. We’ve never made love to each other. Ah, that is where you are wrong. We are lovers. In the truest sense of the word. We haven’t made love to each other yet? What do you think we have been doing this whole time?
This is a return to power, not force. Force breaks things. Power contains things. Force lashes out. Power remains unmoved.
“This is the joy of the rose, that it blows, and then it goes.” It is one thing to live with a hint of sadness. It is another thing to live with regret.
Not all men who go are bad. And not all men who stay are good.
Do we even know what we are jealous about? Let us imagine two scenarios.
When a man has an affair, he feels guilty of the inherent breach of trust. A woman who has an affair feels just as guilty, of course, but not necessarily because she thinks it is wrong, that some kind of universal trust code has been broken. No, instead she feels a profound sense of guilt because she betrayed a relationship, violated a shared vision, and caused deep hurt to him and to others. And as we have seen, relationships are sacrosanct to women.
Forever is a myth. Why? Because we don’t really believe in it. We make long-term promises on short-term feelings.
Forever only exists for those who don’t try to force it. Forever only exists for those who truly believe in it.
Open short-term love affairs can work. Open long-term relationships? Not so much.
That’s all we really know. When we relax into our relationship and just let flow the sweet grace of continuance, it might last forever. To not know and to not analyze it. However long it lasts, it is amazing.
Women believe a future together is only possible with a promise. But perhaps a future together is only possible if there is no promise.
Here’s a glorious thought, a liberating, life-giving idea: Stop making other people comfortable. Stop worrying about what others think. This includes friends, co-workers, and yes, this includes parents.
Who decided that the word “commitment” is synonymous with compromise and obligation?
To start each day with intention. To take time every morning to be still, and in that time, to ask, “Who am I today? And what do I want my life to look like?”
Carl Jung said this: “I asked myself, ‘What is the myth you are living?’ and found that I did not know my myth, and I regarded this as the task of tasks.” If we really want change in our lives—and we say we do—it is not enough to periodically consider the path, or to view it as a part-time endeavor. It’s going to take everything we’ve got, and more. It is the fight of our lives, more important than anything else, forever.
a life that was well-lived and well-loved.
“…we drifted in among the flags and stuck. The way they went down, sighing, before the stem! I lay down across her with my face in her breasts and my hand on her. We lay there without moving. But under us all moved, and moved us, gently, up and down, and from side to side.”
The only thing we will have when we are old is our memories. And the only thing we will remember are those we loved and those who loved us. We won’t remember that car we bought or that raise we got. We will only remember the moments in life we shared, the hidden moments when we lay in the bottom of a boat in the reeds and rested our head and hand and heart on the breasts of a girl we loved. That’s it. Nothing else matters in this whole, wide world.
When faced with two courses of action, two different paths before my eyes, and I have to make a decision, I do not ask which path will offer greater security, or which path will be better off financially, or which path will be approved of by family or friends. I ask only one question: Which path will give me the best memories? That’s it.
We get an invitation and we reason it out, try to make sense of it. We think we are being prudent by soberly considering all the angles, but in reality, we are killing the essence of creation.
Obligations are obscene, a distraction, an imposition. I will not explain myself to anyone on this earth. I will not tolerate the gnawing, numbing pang of obligation to anything or anyone in any way. Obligations are tyrants, the assassins of our soul.
Commitments are the very foundation of freedom. Commitments draw us forward like a sail upon the seas.