Attachment Styles

• Secure

  • 5 components (in this order)
    1. The child feels safe: As a parent, first and foremost, you want your child to feel protected. If your child feels protected, it feels safe. For the infant and toddler, safety means closeness to the mother, as she is the source of food, warmth, and protection. Danger means separation from her, beyond the comfort zone. The attuned mother is fiercely protective but not overwhelming, intrusive, or ignoring. She gives her child space and freedom to explore the world, but stays close enough, so that the child has a felt sense of safety. When the infant strays too far and becomes frightened, they know that they can run to her and envelop her in a warm, protective embrace, secured against the world. This conveys a message: “You are safe. You are loved. You are loveable.”
    2. The child feels seen and knownsecure attachment - the child feels saf: Attuned parents can read their baby’s cues accurately and respond to his or her needs. Attuned responses give infants information about the effects of their behavior. Children learn that when they signal a need, they can expect a prompt, predictable, and accurate response. The result is a feeling of control over their lives, starting early on: “I signal that I’m hungry, and I get fed; I signal that I’m tired, and my mother rocks me to sleep.”
    3. The child feels comfort, soothing and reassurance: The attuned parent’s arms are open and inviting. When the child is distressed, the caregiver reassures and soothes the child back to a calm emotional state. Helping the child manage his or her distress and frustrations will help him or her develop an internal model of being soothed and comforted. Over time, the child will develop the ability to manage his or her own distress and self-soothing.
    4. The child feels valued: Feeling valued begins in infancy and is the foundation of healthy self-esteem development. Parents who raise children with a healthy self-esteem repeatedly express their joy about who the child is rather than what the child does. They focus on Being rather than Doing. Such parents exhibit “expressed delight” to the child and about almost everything the child does. They focus not on the chores, but on the joys of parenting.
    5. The child feels supported to explore: Children need to feel supported and encouraged to explore their world joyfully and safely. Parents who champion this have a deep faith in their child and always provide him or her with a safety net. Deeply involved in their child’s life, parents give the child space and thrust him or her towards autonomy and independence. This sense of security allows the child to explore, discover, succeed, and fail; and through such exploration, the child develops a good, autonomous, strong, and unique sense of self.

• anxious-preoccupied

  • verschmelzer typ

• dismissive-avoidant

  • autonomie type

• fearful-avoidant

  • autonomie type

  Notes

• safety precedes growth.

  • make sure you do have enought attachment security before doing attachment repair, memory reconsolidation or trauma integration
    • meaning if you go trauma first then safety first, bad things might happen
  • its a protection of unskilled practitioners to go visual first rather then somatic experiential first.
  • zone-of-proximal-development

• spirituality is about having a secure attachment to reality. from https://substack.com/inbox/post/153735744

books

• Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair
• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love

Links

• When Is Insecure Attachment the Real Issue in Therapy?
• relation to object permanence
  • Object permanence is linked to the ability to form secure attachments with others. Babies who understand that a person exists, even when they are not present, are better able to form secure attachments with care-givers.

Lookup

• https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/secure-attachment/
• dynamical-maturational-model
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults
• File Formats of the Mind Ft. Malcolm Ocean and Adam Jensen
  • https://open.spotify.com/episode/0oXdRjeIteX0W2EZXW7GjK?si=2m_steUcS56IpKnyjOsryA
  • Show Notes:
    • Malcolm's Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/Malcolm_Ocean/
    • Adam's Twitter: https://twitter.com/adamjog
    • Cristofer's Podcast: https://www.stitcher.com/show/do-explain
    • Bruce Ecker on Attachment: https://www.coherencetherapy.org/resources/Ecker-NWebcast-Fall2012.htm
    • Daniel Brown's book on attachment: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B016APOD0G/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
• https://www.evergreenpsychotherapycenter.com/styles-adult-attachment/
• The Four Attachment Styles of love (Youtube)
• https://the-love-compass.com/2014/02/22/understanding-the-needs-of-the-anxiouspreoccupied-attachment-style/
• Falling in love in the relationship (being fearful avoidant attachment style)
• Shut your mouth and hug her
• Guided Meditations - Attachment Repair]
• zone-of-proximal-development Home | Secure Detachment: Village Principles